In an industry littered with complicated terms and titles, everyone could do with a handy list of definitions. Here are some we've been sent to get the ball rolling:
TENDER SUBMISSION: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.TENDER SUM: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.SUCCESSFUL TENDERER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.ARCHITECT: A man who knows very little about a great deal, and keeps knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about everything.CONSULTING ENGINEER: A man who knows a great deal about very little, and goes on knowing more and more about less and less until he knows practically everything about nothing.QUANTITY SURVEYORS: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.LAWYERS: People who go in after the quantity surveyors and strip the bodies.COST PLAN ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven.MANAGEMENT CONTRACT: The technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begin.LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.SUBCONTRACTOR: A gambler, who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.CONTRACTOR: A man who starts out knowing practically everything, but ends up knowing nothing due to his association with architects and consulting engineersThere must be more, so please post your contributions below...
That is excellent!
What gets on my wick is the endless use of abreviations - PFI, HQI, SDS etc (yawn) etc......
And....people who repeat themselves!
Molevalleyman: And....people who repeat themselves!
That's just what I was thinking...
D'oh!
Molevalleyman: What gets on my wick is the endless use of abreviations - PFI, HQI, SDS etc (yawn) etc......
I'm starting a campaign against TLA's..............................
(three letter abbreviations)
I never understood why abbreviation is such a long word.
Janie Stamford: I never understood why abbreviation is such a long word.
Or why Dyslexic is so hard to spell.
Which reminds me, did you hear about the Dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to santa?
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Janie Stamford: A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Ah, the humble brassier. How pertinant that it should crop up on a construction forum.
A marvel of modern engineering. Capable of supporting many times its own mass, frequently inversley proportional to the construction materials used.
Also designed to protect the contents in a variety of environments, from sub zero to tropical temperatures and in many different lateral planes, from walking in flats, running for the bus in heels, tottering around the handbag in a crowded, noisy, darkened room or simply laying flat on the beach.
Truly a multi function garment.
Designed both for practical and aesthetic purposes and in a mind boggling quantity of pattern, styles, designs and sizes.
Yet despite its often flimsy appearance, security is everyything.
As many men have experienced, and no doubt Harry Houdini himself would have found, picking the lock is no simple matter, often verging on the impossible.